Why you're going I don't really know
But the angle of man is to go
If it didn't hurt like Hell
I'd tell you how hard I feel
To know that you know I care
But we were always okay to be okay
Until the day we were not
So do not know
Do not wait
Do not expect
Take your pain and be on your way
And I'll see you again
Up there someday
On January 12th, my best friend from home died. I was away when it happened, in Macedonia, where I still am. But I went home right away for his funeral, it didn't matter the cost or the inconvenience, he was my friend, a "friend" in the truest sense of the word.
- Harry, I remember your dream job as a kid was to be a garbage man. You thought that hanging off the back of a dump truck every morning and interacting with all the people was as great and glamorous as it got. You did not become a garbage man, but you became a person of the people. A friend to everyone.
We didn't really know each as young children, you went to the elementary schools on the other side of town, you went to the other Lutheran church - but before high school you moved into my neighborhood.
We didn't really like you.
You were new. You were alien. You were edgy and hung with a different crowd. Besides, we already had our neighborhood clique established.
But you were a persistent little shit. Despite our best efforts to ditch and dismiss you, you persevered. You never changed to fit in with us (just as you never changed to fit in with anyone), we just finally realized that we wanted to be friends with you.
Throughout high school you remained the same, you were Harry. You were smart, popular, accomplished, insufferable. On the field and in the classroom you always overachieved, but in spite of that you were still credible and popular, because you never tried to suck up or brown nose to anyone or any authority figure - sure, you respected teachers and coaches, but you actually enjoyed playing the hardest and doing your best - and after school or practice, you were alway the first to say "that sucked, let's go get #$%*-faced" - you were genuine. More genuine than myself or anyone else.
After high school, when most of us went our separate ways off to college, you remained in Seguin at TLU. You, more than anyone, were my anchor back to Seguin. You wouldn't change. We could go for years without talking and within an hour back together it'd be like time hadn't passed at all.
Now that you're gone, I feel untethered. I feel as if I've lost my home.
When I first got the news that you had taken your own life I wasn't sad. I was angry. I was selfish and pissed. How dare you, dammit. You have to be in my wedding, you have to meet my kids, we have to share holidays and be together when we're old. Damn you.
But now, now that three weeks have passed, I'm not angry anymore. Nor am I sad. I'm Okay. Okay knowing that your pain is over. Okay knowing how priceless life and friendship is. Okay knowing that if I get to the other side, all I'll have to do is say, "I'm Harry's friend", and I'll feel at home.
But the angle of man is to go
If it didn't hurt like Hell
I'd tell you how hard I feel
To know that you know I care
But we were always okay to be okay
Until the day we were not
So do not know
Do not wait
Do not expect
Take your pain and be on your way
And I'll see you again
Up there someday
On January 12th, my best friend from home died. I was away when it happened, in Macedonia, where I still am. But I went home right away for his funeral, it didn't matter the cost or the inconvenience, he was my friend, a "friend" in the truest sense of the word.
- Harry, I remember your dream job as a kid was to be a garbage man. You thought that hanging off the back of a dump truck every morning and interacting with all the people was as great and glamorous as it got. You did not become a garbage man, but you became a person of the people. A friend to everyone.
We didn't really know each as young children, you went to the elementary schools on the other side of town, you went to the other Lutheran church - but before high school you moved into my neighborhood.
We didn't really like you.
You were new. You were alien. You were edgy and hung with a different crowd. Besides, we already had our neighborhood clique established.
But you were a persistent little shit. Despite our best efforts to ditch and dismiss you, you persevered. You never changed to fit in with us (just as you never changed to fit in with anyone), we just finally realized that we wanted to be friends with you.
Throughout high school you remained the same, you were Harry. You were smart, popular, accomplished, insufferable. On the field and in the classroom you always overachieved, but in spite of that you were still credible and popular, because you never tried to suck up or brown nose to anyone or any authority figure - sure, you respected teachers and coaches, but you actually enjoyed playing the hardest and doing your best - and after school or practice, you were alway the first to say "that sucked, let's go get #$%*-faced" - you were genuine. More genuine than myself or anyone else.
After high school, when most of us went our separate ways off to college, you remained in Seguin at TLU. You, more than anyone, were my anchor back to Seguin. You wouldn't change. We could go for years without talking and within an hour back together it'd be like time hadn't passed at all.
Now that you're gone, I feel untethered. I feel as if I've lost my home.
When I first got the news that you had taken your own life I wasn't sad. I was angry. I was selfish and pissed. How dare you, dammit. You have to be in my wedding, you have to meet my kids, we have to share holidays and be together when we're old. Damn you.
But now, now that three weeks have passed, I'm not angry anymore. Nor am I sad. I'm Okay. Okay knowing that your pain is over. Okay knowing how priceless life and friendship is. Okay knowing that if I get to the other side, all I'll have to do is say, "I'm Harry's friend", and I'll feel at home.
